Here's my advice for the abstinence training industry and any novice abstinence
trainers: First, leave the teenagers alone and focus on the vast neglected
demographic of middle-aged and elderly people, including the married. Many of them have thought they just weren't getting any, so imagine how happy they will be to see their lifestyle affirmed as a noble, pro-active, choice! Think of the market for silver chastity rings in nursing homes and other long term care facilities!Secondly, and I realize that this may be more controversial: The abstinent training profession should be restricted to abstinent people. Would you undergo computer training with someone who hasn't touched a computer since 1987? Would you hire a flabby, out-of-shape, personal fitness trainer? No, nor do I think you should study abstinence with someone who behaves "like an animal" in bed.
- You must hate the act of aborting fetuses, but refuse to acknowledge medically-responsible ways to prevent creating unwanted fetuses in the first place.
- You claim to love the unborn fetus, but refuse to provide benefits, health-care, or day-care for a child once it's passed through the err-threshold of life.
- You must scoff and balk at the idea of giving potentially fetus-saving knowledge to teenagers who are at risk to create fetuses, chastity vow or not.
- You must "Call abortion murder in a medical building/ but [you] don't give a shit about bombin' Iraqi children."*
I'm a former HS teacher at a Bronx school where sex-ed was not taught til 12th grade (!!!) at which point a significant percentage of the kids had already gotten pregnant, become fathers, and/or had aboritons. I had one or two heartbreaking instances of kids coming up to me asking for advice about sex. One boy used his fingers to demosntrate how far he'd (unsafely) penetrated his girlfriend and asked me if he was at risk to get her pregnant.
Another student of a friend of mine came in and announced to me and her teacher that she was "going to get that abortion," and we shouldn't worry. I was comforted similarly by a 9th (!!!) grader who dropped out of 9th grade because she was pregnant and promised me that everything was okay and she hoped to have a healthy baby at the end of her 9th grade year. One senior student discovered that her boyfriend was a cheat and tearfully took a day off for an AIDS test.
It was painful and uncomfortable for me to talk about sex with my kids because I felt unarmed with all the knowledge and expertise they needed, but mostly because of the idea that no one else had done it yet. It was staggering. At my liberal parochial school, sex ed started in 5th and 6th grades. And I'm glad it did. Because the fact of the matter is that KIDS WANT TO TALK ABOUT SEX. They want to talk about it with grown-ups, or younger adults who can give them honest, real advice. Does this mean they will follow that advice? Not necessarily. But at least they're armed.
And for that matter, I agree (sortakinda) with the wingnuts that in our society women can be taken advantage of sexually--but obviously that's due to misogyny, not some sort of inherent difference. I think some sex-ed classes should be gender-segregated and deal with issues of power-dynamics and self-confidence in relationships, date rape and setting boundaries--even the emotional stuff--as well as the nitty-gritty physical. But as long as it's medically accurate, health classes are absolutely fucking essential.
*Immortal Technique featuring Chuck D," Bin Laden" Remix
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