Dear Readers,

I now consider this blog to be my Juvenelia. Have fun perusing the archives, and find me at my new haunt, here.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Frozen Dessert Roundup

Well, readership, it's that time of year. Temperatures rise, toes get exposed, and fro-yo gets pursued with the zeal that can only come from plucked, tweezed, calorie-deprived armies of women who want something, anything, to induldge in, guilt-free*. They seek spoonful after bland spoonful of imaginary bliss (if we really wanted bliss, we'd hit up the nearest Good Humor truck, but hey.)

My theory about women and frozen yogurt can be summed up in a point-by-point explanation. 1) Ice-cream is "god's" greatest gift to mankind, second only to sex. 2) Ice-cream is "danger" food to many women who fear what it does to their thighs. 3) But fro-yo shares its yummier big sibling's texture, sweetness, and ability to be lingered over. 4) Even better, it can be eaten in huge portions. It's like a long, long, long gum chewing session, except more deliciouser.

Anyway, despite being a feminist who is not blonde, lacks any stick-like limbs, and never works out at Equinox with a trainer named Biff, I am not immune to this trend. I fucking love fro-yo. But I plead innocence because I've always been this way. From pretty much day one of my life, the do-do-do-do-do-do-d0-do-do, of a Mr. Softee truck would make my hair stand on end with excitement.

So of course, of course, I have been sampling the wares. I leave you with a rating of NYC's hippest frigid treats, and their frigid customers.

Pinkberry green tea * *
I was so frikkin excited for this flavor, thinking it would combine my favorite two worlds, but it failed to provide the goods. Too sour, and not green-tea-ish enough.

Pinkberry regular * * *
I'm begining to see what people mean when they say this stuff has crack in it. Even better grade crack than its rivals. That having been said, the place has been sadly discovered. The one near my office was deserted when I first tried it, now there's a ten-plus minute line of irritating yuppies and hollow-eyed prep school girls, which makes the sourness considerably worse.

Tavalon Green tea latte with Boba *
Ewww. The tea was too thick and sweet, and the boba (tapioca pearls) were mad chewy. Despite the cool DJ and minimalist decor, this was a huge bust.

Tasti-D-Lite on average * *
It's artificial tasting, melts faster than the polar ice caps during a typical global warming day, and all the chocolate flavors taste the same.
However, some particularly good flavors
(***) like rasperry cheesecake, apple pie and peanut butter are absolutely yum.

ZaBerry * * * * The overpriced gourmet store has hit the jackpot. Slightly sweeter and cheaper than Pinkberry, ZaBerry's customers are more likely to be sixty year old Jewish men than the collagen-and-spandex set. Which makes it all the sweeter.

Actual ice cream * * * * * Often imitated, but you can't beat the stuff, that's for sure. I can't wait for my first Mr. Softee of the season--not to mention my first Good Humor chocolate eclair. Yum yum yummy.

So indulge yourselves, dear readers. But remember--once it gets like July hot up in this joint, it's going to be too hot for anything except Frozade and H20. So dig the dairy while you can.

No comments:

Post a Comment